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Reality brings you things
By Pam Webster
UAS Counselor
Reality brings you things is one of the
tenets of a life-way called Constructive Living (based on Japanese
Morita Therapy) that I’ve relied on for years. Case in point:
I am having an incredibly busy day today and this column is due
at 5 p.m. So reality has brought me a busy day and a 5 p.m. deadline
on an article I haven’t yet started (because Constructive Living
is such a familiar subject for me).
From a Constructive Living (or CL) perspective, the
proper way to think about this issue is: “I’ll either
get this article done for the paper, or I won’t.” There’s
no use whining about too many phone calls to answer and too many
students to talk to today, or how unfair the 5 p.m. deadline is,
and likewise no use beating myself up about why I didn’t start
on the article before now.
Constructive Living is the name of a life-way developed
by David K. Reynolds which is a combination of practical American
advice mixed with Buddhist teachings. Dr. Reynolds went to Japan
in the service as a young man and then later ended up studying social
sciences at UCLA where he earned his doctorate in psychology. As
a psychologist, he was turned off by some of what he experienced
as the “excuses” that most western therapies make for
people’s behavior. He developed Constructive Living as a kind
of “education for life” as opposed to the introspective
or strictly “feel-good” therapies.
Here is a sampling of some of the sayings of Constructive
Living:
1) “Feel the feeling and do what needs to be done.”
I often look at the growing pile of dishes next to my kitchen sink
and feel discouraged or turned off. It’s easy to have the thought
“I really don’t feel like doing the dishes.” What
CL teaches is that you can entertain such a thought and still do
what needs to be done (cleaning the dishes). If you’re depressed,
it’s quite likely that doing the dishes will make you feel
better. And even if it doesn’t make you feel better, at least
you’ll have clean dishes.
2) “Feelings are like clouds in the Japanese sky. They
come and they go.” It’s really important to remember that
feelings change over time. You won’t always feel depressed.
A disappointment does not last forever. Neither does a positive
feeling like falling in love, unless this feeling is restimulated
by behaviors like doing small acts of service for your partner (shining
their shoes; buying them a good, cheap used book at Friends of the
Library; bringing them a treat, etc.) In fact, at a training I attended
on Constructive Living a few years ago, the instructor recounted
that he went so far as to go to the store prior to a “date”
with his wife, buy her flowers and present them to her at the door
after ringing the bell!
If you’d like to experience Constructive Living
“up close and personal” check out the upcoming trainings
at www.naswak.org or call 1-800-478-6279.
Gregg Krech, one of Dr. Reynolds’ associates, will be teaching
workshops in Juneau the week of May 6. The topic of most general
interest is probably “The Art and Practice of Getting Things
Done: Lessons in Constructive Living” and that workshop
is will be on Monday May 6th from 1-4 at the Department of Health
and Social Services Conference Room at the DEC Building at 410 Willoughby.
Gregg Krech has his own book called The Todo Institute’s Concise
Little Guide to Getting Things Done (2001).
Reality brings you things: You decided to browse the
Whalesong today and now you know about Constructive Living.
Have a good summer.
Email Pam Webster at pam.webster@uas.alaska.edu
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